“Ok, I’ll come by your house at 3:00?”

“Ahhh, sure.  No wait, come by at 3:30.”

“What’s up?”

“I have to move our washing machine.”

“Well, I’ll give you a hand.”

“No, don’t worry about it.  Cheryl and I can do it, come by at 3:30.”

I pushed a little more about helping out, but my buddy insisted that he and “Cheryl” (not her real name) could move the washing machine themselves.  When I arrived at their house his wife opened the door with a look on her face I had never seen before.  It was a combination of “I want to kill Gerry right now” (not his real name), “I can’t believe I married a man this stupid” and “I told him to let you help out, but would he listen to me? No…”

She never said a word.  She simply turned and beckoned me to follow, then pointed down the basement stairs to where their washing machine was embedded into the wall of the landing halfway down the stairs.

It didn’t take long to piece together the sequence of events:  They were moving their washing machine from the basement to the main floor.  They successfully navigated the first flight of stairs onto the landing, turned, then got halfway up the second flight of stairs when something went horribly wrong.  The washer somehow got loose and rockets down the stairs until it crashed through the wall on the landing.

My friend stood on the landing, his head hung in shame and defeat, waiting for me to say, “Why didn’t you let me help you?

Of course I said it, but then we got working on the washer, pried it out of the drywall and carried it upstairs with no further incidents.  Later on the full story came out of how he had put a chain on the washer and wrapped it around his tiny wife’s shoulder (who is literally about 4’11 and 100 pounds).  She pulled from the top while he pushed from the bottom.  She lost her grip half way up, he couldn’t hold it, and the rest is history – and would have made a fabulous photo for the “Real Men Hall of Shame”.  Sadly, no photo exists.

So, why do men do that?  Why do we refuse to ask for help when we really need it?  And worse, why do we refuse help when it is offered, even though we could really use it?

I don’t get it – do you?  We listen to my buddy’s story and laugh at how he could have been so stupid, but we all do it.  We’ve all done things like that.  We all have stories for the “Real Men Hall of Shame.”

In this comical story is an interesting leadership lesson for men.  For whatever reason we as men seem to find it difficult to ask for help when we need it.  Whether it’s pride, independence, foolishness, or not wanting to look weak – I don’t know.  The point is we do it.  We do it in our personal lives and we do it when we lead.  Oftentimes when we need help as a leader we won’t ask for it because we don’t want to be seen as weak or incapable.  However, that strategy often leads to significant frustration – for us and those we lead – below standard work, butt covering, and a plethora of other issues that add up to poor results.

I have a suggestion for all of us men: don’t think of it as “asking for help”, think of it as “collaboration” and “team work”.  Don’t necessarily contact someone and ask them for help.  Contact them and say, “I’d like to get your input on a situation I am dealing with right now.  What would you suggest as a potential means to address this?”  I’ll bet that 9 times out of 10 the person you talk to about it will offer to help you out, or direct you to someone who can help out.

And, I guarantee that working together with another person will lead to a deeper work relationship and a better solution.  So, don’t be afraid to ask for help/collaboration.  Don’t suffer in silence.  Don’t just keep doing it alone only to find yourself watching your project, your team or your organization crash and burn.

Learn from the lesson of the washing machine embedded in the wall and ask for help – I mean, ask for some “Collaboration”.  You and your leadership will be better for it!