“He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends”

“A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense”

I was thinking about these words of wisdom this week.  Basically they’re talking about “grace”.

So what does it mean to be “gracious”?

Being gracious to me is choosing to look at what is right more than looking at what is wrong.  It is seeing what is good instead of seeing what is bad.  It’s looking at the positive more than the negative.

I was speaking with a CEO a number of years ago.  I asked her what she loved about her business.  She said, “I love my people.”  I then asked her what she hated about her business.  She said, “I hate my people.”

We need grace for people.  As leaders we need grace for our people.  And, our people need grace for us.  We need to be able to choose to see the positive in people, the good in people, and what they’re doing right.

Will people mess up, make mistakes, do stupid things and drop the ball?  Absolutely.  Does that include us?  You bet.  Where there are people there is both good and bad.  There will be days we love the people we work with, and days when we hate the people we work with.

Where there are people there will be friction.  People will rub us the wrong way, and that’s why we need Grace Grease.

Every morning before we go into work to interact with people – who have the potential to cause friction – we need to cover ourselves with Grace Grease.  We need to choose in advance that we will be gracious to people.  This is premeditated grace.

When someone says something that could offend or upset us we can choose to get offended, or we can choose to think the best of the person.  Are they always like this?  Is this out of character?  We normally have a good relationship – what’s going on?

We can cut them some slack, be gracious and overlook the offense.

I heard a story about a leader whose partner has said something offensive to him that totally threw him.  He was rocked by it.  He went away and pondered over what was said and realized this was not the norm in a healthy long term relationship he and his partner shared.  He determined it was simply a stress-caused misstep and overlooked the offense.

He was gracious.

Now, we must realize there are 2 pedals on this bicycle.  One pedal is choosing to be gracious, forgiving and overlooking an offense.  The other pedal is being “carefrontational”.  It’s choosing to confront someone in an attempt to help them grow in an area they may not see, or be aware of the negative impact they are having on others.  But, it’s doing it with care – for their growth and benefit.

I believe we have a propensity to ride one of these two pedals more often than the other.  I know my propensity is to be confrontational.  I will more often address things that I could probably be more gracious and overlook.  I need to learn to be more gracious.

What about you?  If your propensity is to be gracious you may need to learn to be carefrontational and not let people “walk all over you”.  You may need to learn to stand up for what is right more often and not be so “nice”.

And if you are like me and have a tendency to address everything that is a little off, it’s probably time to cut people some slack and be gracious – believe the best about people.  Focus on what is right and good and positive, instead on what is wrong, bad or negative.

Great leaders know how and when to be gracious and how and when to be carefrontational – for the benefit of the other person, not just so we feel better.

Let’s start by covering ourselves with Grace Grease every day so we experience less friction with those with whom we work.  Let’s give people the benefit of the doubt.