There are really only two ways to do business:  Fear and Intimidation, or Trust and Relationship.  You have probably had the pain and pleasure of doing business with companies and people who are prime examples of this.

Who would you rather work with – those who wield fear and intimidation or build trust and relationship?

Leaders can go either way: fear and intimidation, or trust and relationship.  One creates obedience, one creates engagement.  Obedience really only creates short term gain, while engagement creates the long term benefit of employees who are committed to the mission, vision and values of the organization at a deep heart level, and, therefore, create exceptional results.

F&I (fear and intimidation) leadership is all about obedience, “I don’t care what you think, this is what needs to get done and this is how it needs to be done.”  “Do it or else.”

T&R (trust and relationship) leadership is all about engagement, “In light of our mission, vision and values, what do you think is our best course of action here?”, or, “I can see your perspective, here is what I think is a win-win outcome…”

T&R leadership is not all about group hugs and being warm and fuzzy.  Not at all.  T&R leadership collaboratively establishes values and standards based on the mission and vision of the organization, then continues to remind people of those.  If people are not meeting the agreed upon standards they are reminded of what has been agreed upon and empowered to be able to meet those standards.  If they continue to fall short of those standards, they have then made their decision not be part of the organization – their future is then freed up.

F&I leadership is also known as command and control.  There are certainly situations that demand command and control, but not as an ongoing leadership strategy in business.

F&I leadership is easy.  Anyone can force an employee to do something out of the fear of some sort of reprisal.  F&I leadership is actually cowardly.  It reduces leadership to its most basal element, “I have power over you so you have to do what I tell you to do.”  Weak leaders take the easy way out and implement F&I tactics.

T&R leadership is by far more difficult.  First of all it requires a secure leader with authentic strength who does not get intimidated by strong and talented employees.  That leader must also demonstrate humility and courage.  The humility to recognize that he/she is not the source of all knowledge, and therefore, needs the input of others to achieve the best results for the organization.  Courage is the willingness to take risks – including making tough decisions, inviting others into the decision making process, and choosing a certain degree of vulnerability.

However, EMPATHY is one of the most critical qualities a leader must demonstrate when seeking to build trust and relationship.  Empathy is the willingness to see things from another’s perspective.  It shifts the leader from self-centered leadership to others-centered leadership.

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own.”  Henry Ford

Henry Ford understood that good leaders must demonstrate empathy.  We must be willing and able to see through the eyes of others, hear through the ears of others and feel through the hearts of others.  Being others-centered enables leaders to build trust and relationship with those we lead, then inspire, engage and empower them to accomplish far more together than they ever thought possible.

Oprah Winfrey, one of the most powerful leaders in the entertainment industry, has this to say about empathy,

“Leadership is about empathy. It is about having the ability to relate to and connect with people for the purpose of inspiring and empowering their lives.”

Weak, cowardly leaders use fear and intimidation to create obedience with its accompanying short-sighted, short term benefits.  Strong, courageous, humble and empathetic leaders create engaged people who are inspired and empowered to achieve extraordinary results.

Are you an F&I leader, or a T&R leader?  Do you create obedience or engagement?

Empathy makes all the difference.