Have you ever met someone at a business function and literally 30 seconds later you have forgotten their name? Sadly, I have done it on numerous occasions, had to apologize and ask them again to tell me their name.

I wasn’t really listening when I met them.

Listening is a critical part of communication, and leadership is all about communication. In fact, life is about communication. Communication is relationship. Leadership without communication is nothing.

Great leaders are great communicators.

Here is the secret to great communication: it is your responsibility to ensure communication has taken place.

It’s up to you to make good communication happens – period.  If you make it your responsibility to ensure good communication happens it is more likely to happen. It’s easier to do with some people than with others. Regardless, it’s up to you to make sure the hearer of the communication understands. And, it’s up to you to ensure you understand the communication of the communicator.

Have you ever communicated to someone with a clarity you thought was exemplary, only to find out the person to whom you had communicated did not really understand? You may have even asked them,

“Does that make sense? Is that clear? Do you understand?”

Of course they are going to say “yes”.

They responded in the affirmative and you thought good communication had taken place. However, things did not turn out the way you had anticipated. After speaking with them about what your expectation was you realized they had not really understood what you had communicated, and thus the reason for the unmet expectation.

It happens all the time: you communicate some instructions, a direction, a new initiative of some kind, an agreement, and you feel you have done a great job of doing so, so you expect great results. Sadly, the results fall short. Whose fault is it? Of course it is the fault of your people right? Ahhhh, no.

Did you ensure they really understood what you meant?

There is a very simple communication tool you can use to ensure you have communicated clearly. It is also a brilliant tool for ensuring that you have clearly understood any communication given to you. I learned this decades ago in a leadership communication program and soon realized it is a fabulous tool for any relationship – including marriage.

So here it is – this will change your life and your leadership…

When you communicate something of importance to anyone and you want to make sure they heard you correctly, simply say this:

“To help me understand if I have communicated clearly, would you please tell me what you heard me tell you.”

Then, listen to what they tell you to ensure you communicated correctly. If you need to supplement or alter your communication then do so. Remember, the burden to ensure good communication takes place lies with you.

Likewise, when someone communicates something to you and you want to ensure you have heard them correctly, say this:

“Let me tell you what I heard you telling me and you tell me if I heard you correctly.”

This works in marriage and leadership. Believe me, over the course of 30 years of marriage on many, many occasions I have told me wife what I heard her telling me and she told me if I heard her correctly.

I can’t count the number of times she told me that I did not really hear her – I wasn’t listening. She would then set me straight.

I also used this on countless occasions with clients after our initial briefing session. In fact, I would use this after every client session. It would ensure we were listening to them – that we heard them.

If you start from the premise that it’s your responsibility to ensure good communication takes place you will never lose.

Remember, when communicating, clarify this way:

“To help me understand if I communicated clearly, please tell me what you heard me tell you.”

And, when listening clarify this way:

“Let me tell you what I heard you tell me and you tell me if I heard you correctly.”

Leadership is about communication. Life is about communication. The question is, “Are you listening?”