Click to watch Seinfeld’s Handshake routine video

My dad taught me to give a taste of my character in every handshake.

“When you shake someone’s hand son, you need to make sure you drive your hand in deep and give ‘em a good squeeze.  Look ‘em in the eye and say, ‘Good to meet you!’  Don’t hold on too long – just enough to give a good squeeze, say hello, then let go.”

Jerry Seinfeld in a stand-up routine actually went over in fine detail the appropriate etiquette of a handshake.

When I wrestled in high school, each match began by shaking your opponent’s hand.  I always knew the matches I would easily win, and the ones that would be challenging.  When my opponent shook my hand with a grip like a limp fish I knew I was going to win.  He portrayed no strength or confidence what-so-ever in his handshake.  When he aggressively gripped my hand and looked me straight in the eye I knew I had a fight on my hands.

The handshake is generally thought to have developed as a gesture to demonstrate neither side is carrying a weapon in their right hand, and that each person comes in peace.  In business, the handshake is a standard greeting.  It is a universal means of communicating openness and respect.  Very rarely are handshakes ever an inappropriate means of greeting in business.  However, they certainly are in more intimate relationships.

How would your spouse or significant other respond if you greeted them after coming home at the end of a work day with a handshake?  Not very well I suspect.  How would your young children respond if you said goodnight with a handshake?  What would you think of someone who just shook the hand of their baby and didn’t embrace and kiss them?  It’s silly to even contemplate.

Years ago I remember seeing a picture of Prime Minister Harper shaking the hand of his young son as he was leaving for school.  Rightly or wrongly it said volumes to me, and all the other Canadians who saw it, about Mr. Harper’s ability, or inability, to express affection and warmth.  I felt bad for his son.

The handshake takes us to a certain level of connection and relationship, but the hug takes us to another level all together.  The hug, apart from a kiss, is the most intimate connection we have with people.  With a hug we say, “I open up myself and my heart to you.  I receive you and embrace you with affection and warmth.  You are important to me.”

My objective is to transition relationships from a handshake to a hug.

Sure, there are lots of relationships that will stay handshake relationships – those relationships that are more acquaintances than friendships.  And that’s fine.  There may be some who would argue that every human interaction should start with a hug, but I’m not that radical.

I am simply suggesting that an appropriate objective is to transition business relationships from handshakes to hugs.  Customers, colleagues, vendors, partners, board members and employees are all humans who want to be cared for, who all want to be…dare I say…”loved”?!  Can we not both personally and professionally appropriately express that sentiment?

I think we can.

I just spent 3 days with hundreds of TEC (The Executive Committee) and Vistage business leaders from all over the world.  We all enjoy the same privilege of working with CEOs, entrepreneurs and executives.  We also share the same value of being open-hearted and whole-hearted.  Not half-hearted, not closed-hearted, not fool-hearty, not heart-on-your-sleeve, but a genuine, appropriate and professional affection for each other, the people we work with, and the significant work we do.

I witnessed, and participated in, hundreds of people transitioning from handshakes to hugs.

I’ll tell you, it is fabulous working alongside open-hearted and whole-hearted leaders who are not afraid to appropriately express genuine affection for each other.  Anyone who chooses to hug is not only expressing increased affection, but increased trust and vulnerability – and that leads to deeper relationships.

A culture that hugs is a culture of openness, affection, trust and vulnerability.  With good leadership that kind of work culture creates extraordinary results.

Yes, it’s time to transition from handshakes to hugs.