My wife and I have 2 sons who are now 22 and 21 years old.  Every season of our sons’ growth and development was filled with celebrations and challenges, delights and disappointments.  But such is parenting.

One of the best things I did with my sons was very simple, yet it had profound impact in their lives.  For 10 years, every Monday, I would take one of them out for breakfast.  We would head off to a restaurant for time together before school.  There was one rule for our breakfast: we would only talk about what my son wanted to talk about that morning.

I watched a progression for both of them as they aged.  We talked through what I call the 5 W’s of boyhood and young manhood:  Wildlife, Wilderness, Weapons, Women, Work.

Something else I recognized was that as they grew we had to adjust the way we parented.  When they were young we taught them to obey.  As they aged we attempted to equip them with wisdom to make their own decisions.

We were transitioning them from dependence to independence.  If we gave them too much independence when they were young we would be irresponsible parents – they couldn’t handle it.  In fact, it could be life threatening.

Likewise, if as they became young men, we insisted on telling them everything they should be doing, they would ultimately have rebelled against our parenting.  Or, they would have grown up to be weak, passive, dependant boys trapped in a young man’s body.  Neither of which is desirable.

Parents must have the wisdom to know what level of dependence/independence is appropriate at various ages, in various situations.  In fact, we are constantly adjusting the level of parenting we provide from being totally involved, through instructing, approving, advising and assisting, to being uninvolved when necessary.

This same spectrum of engagement holds true for leadership.  I call it the Spectrum of Leadership Engagement.  The impetus for this discovery was a presentation given by John Kuypers on what he called the 7 Performance Drivers – which I think is brilliant and have adjusted slightly.

Every good leader is in the process of empowering and equipping those they lead to transition from dependence to independence.  In order to do this we need to understand what level of leadership engagement is appropriate for each employee, in regard to the task they are currently undertaking.   Sometimes the appropriate level of engagement is being uninvolved – they are capable, experienced and independent.  They need no real supervision.

However, if your propensity as a leader is to be uninvolved, you can expect to be so with everyone you lead most of the time, and that will not work.  It will work for some employees in some situations, but your employees will begin to feel abandoned, uncared for, and can end up either timid and fearful, or wild and unmanageable.

Likewise, if your propensity as a leader is to be totally involved, you will stifle their growth as you micro manage their activities.  You will never grow a powerful team – it will be limited by your inability to empower them to become more independent.

Every good leader knows three things: 1. My role as a leader is to empower and equip my people to grow from dependence to independence.  2.  No one will ever always be independent.  3.  I must, therefore, be able to effectively lead throughout the Spectrum of Leadership Engagement to help people grow and mature.

Uninvolved leaders can often regularly expect more independence from employees than is healthy.  They then are disappointed when the employee expresses any need for input.  And, overly involved leaders can also end up micromanaging the life out of their people, or micromanaging good people right out of the company.  They both need to learn to lead throughout the Spectrum of Leadership Engagement as is appropriate for the employee at the time to grow and mature.

Good leaders empower and equip their people to grow from dependence to independence.  They do this by effectively leading throughout the Spectrum of Leadership Engagement knowing that no matter how capable and mature people are they will always need various degrees of leadership engagement.

Leadership is definitely like parenting.