I recently met with a very capable leader. By all measures she has been very successful. She’s incredibly educated, she’s had a good career of meaningful work, she’s traveled extensively, she has passionately pursued leisure and recreational activities to create good work/life balance, she is great with people, and has volunteered her time for meaningful causes.

I’ve had the privilege to work with her on a number of occasions and have been very impressed with the passion she brings to her work and her personal pursuits.

So why were we meeting?

She wanted to talk about the next season in her life and career. She wants to change gears and step out into something new. She is experiencing a growing discontentment that is pushing her to consider stepping out into new ventures. But what should she step out into, how should she do it, when should she do it, where and with whom?

Lots of questions, but not lots of answers – at least not yet.

We talked about the reality that this is a journey, and not a quick one at that. The questions that enable people to step out into new ventures effectively should not center on “What I should do?”, but rather on “Who am I?”.

I love what Gil Bailey had to say about this,

“Don’t ask what the world needs and do that. Instead ask what makes you come alive and do that, because what the world needs are more people who are alive.”

What makes you come alive? Any clue about that? And, if you have an idea about who you are and what that is, do you understand how that fits into the economics of reality? Some big questions to work through, and that takes some heavy lifting – some deep soul searching.

Most people are afraid to do that kind of heavy lifting to learn more about who they really are; to learn what really makes them come alive. Instead they focus on what they can do well – what they are good at. And, they can then become trapped in good and miss what’s great.

Sometimes we need to bypass what’s good to pursue what’s great.

In light of this, what is every leader’s tug-of-war?

Simply stated: doubt and fear versus confidence and courage.

We sense a growing discontentment in who we are or what we are doing, but begin to doubt anything can change, and fear the change and uncertainty in front of us. We can doubt ourselves, our abilities, our capabilities and fear what we could lose if we take a risk. We become trapped in comfort and convenience and don’t live in courage, confidence, conviction and commitment.

If doubt and fear wins the tug-of-war in our soul we end up in the quicksand of apathy, mediocrity and complacency.

However, confidence and courage can easily out pull doubt and fear. We can choose confidence and courage in midst of any situation to pull through doubt and fear. Courage is simply choosing to move forward in the face of fear. Confidence is simply doubting your doubts.

Don’t listen to your limiting thoughts and beliefs. Stop listening to those thoughts that demean and diminish you. Choose to focus on what is instead of what isn’t.

Great leaders listen less and speak more: they listen less to their doubts and fears and they speak more confidence and courage to themselves.

We need to talk to ourselves more. Will you speak confidence into your heart by focusing on what is good, true, and right? And will you take courage by pressing through the fear?

Choosing confidence and courage will pull you into your passions, hopes and dreams.

Even if you find yourself stuck in the quicksand of apathy, mediocrity and complacency you can choose confidence and courage to pull out of it. You may very well need the input of someone who can help you doubt your doubts and get your confidence back. We are not designed to lead and live alone. We need the input of “allies” to get perspective.

Recognize every leader’s tug-of-war in you. Pull through your doubts and fears into your passions, hopes and dreams with confidence and courage, and with the help of your allies.