I have a very good friend who went through a powerful process a number of years ago in regard to his self-worth.  He and his father owned a very successful agricultural business – a massive farm.  They were approached by a buyer and offered a ridiculous amount of money to sell.  After some degree of consideration they decided to cash in their chips and radically change their lifestyle.

So, he and his young family moved from their farm and landed in the Okanagan Valley – a beautiful, recreational region resplendent with natural beauty in the form of mountains, lakes, forests, orchards, vineyards, wineries, ski resorts and golf courses.

Ah yes, the good life…

They bought a house on the lake, a tournament ski boat, a chalet at our local ski resort, and he began to do some volunteering in the community.  He was living the life that many people can only dream of.  We began to water ski together with a couple of other guys 2 days a week from his house on the lake.  It was a great time to abuse our middle-aged bodies and share some good relational connection on the water.

As I got to know my friend and his story I found myself thinking what a great lifestyle he had.  If only I could live like that…  So, it was with a little shock when, one morning standing alone on his dock, he shared with me this thought,

“I have discovered that my net worth is greater than my self-worth.”

What?  What does that mean?

My friend began to explain to me he had discovered his self-worth had been wrapped up in his work.  Now that he had no work his self-worth was very low indeed.  In some ways he had lost himself.  He now found himself having a high net worth and a low self-worth, a low self-esteem.  He then embarked on a journey to change that.

As leaders we tend to define ourselves by what we do.  Who are you?  I’m an entrepreneur, I’m a business owner, I’m a doctor, I’m a teacher, I’m an administrator, etc.  In other words, what we do tends to define who we are.  That’s why failure of any kind in work can be so devastating, especially for men, because he has lost what defines him.  The belief is, if I perform well I am valuable, important and significant.  If I perform poorly I’m not.

This is a performance-based mentality.  If you suffer from this then everything you do tends to be about proving yourself.  No matter what you are doing, whether it’s leading or playing golf, it’s all an attempt to prove your self-worth: to prove that you are significant.  There is a better way though.

What we do shouldn’t determine who we are.  No, who we are should determine what we do.  Who you are is far greater than what you do.  I find many leaders wondering what their true “calling” is?  What are they really meant to be doing?  The real question is not what you are meant to do, but who are you meant to be?

Wholehearted Leaders lead from a deep sense of identity, passion, purpose, conviction, commitment and life.  They are not always trying to prove how significant they are.  They know who they are.  They know the value they bring.  They are comfortable and confident in who they are, and who they aren’t.  They do not carry a question mark over their lives wondering if they are good enough, they carry an exclamation mark knowing who they are, and then lead for the benefit of others.

Do you know who you are, or are you always trying to prove your significance?

If you find you carry a pressure to always prove yourself, if you are threatened by your weaknesses, if you do not tolerate someone questioning you or your decisions, if you have a subtle sense of impending doom that someone will discover you have no idea what you are doing, then you probably have a journey to go on to further determine your self-worth apart from your performance.

Wholehearted Leaders are not trying to prove anything through their leadership, they lead from a deep sense of self-worth for the benefit of others – and that’s a more powerful way to lead and live.