Cancer had overtaken her mother’s body. Like a slow moving lava flow it had destroyed everything in its path.

The end was near.

She didn’t know what to do. She and her mother had journeyed through every stage of this insidious disease and now they were facing the final stage – the last chapter. She was once again sitting with her mother in her hospital room, simply being together. This time though she had prepared something.

Knowing that her mother’s death was inevitable she had madly thought through what she could do to make the most of this time – this moment in history. All that came to her was gratitude. She looked back at all her mother had given to her. The large significant gifts, like life, and the myriad smaller gifts of time and attention that were now no less significant in her eyes.

So that’s what she did. She carefully began to thank her mother for everything. She left no stone unturned, no gratitude unexpressed. Her mother sat quietly drinking in every ounce of love her daughter offered. When she finished tearfully expressing her overwhelming gratitude she sat quietly, letting her mother drink it all in.

Her mother silently stared out the window for an inordinate amount of time. She then turned and looked at her daughter and graciously said,

“It was my joy.”

That was their last conversation.

After her mother’s death she bought a simple silver locket and had it inscribed with the final words of her mother – “It was my joy.” This is her way of reminding herself of the legacy of love given to her by her mother, and an exhortation to make the most of everyday by giving herself for the joy of others.

As I choked back my emotions listening to this woman’s story on CBC I thought of my own life, and my own leadership as well. Anyone who is a parent knows that it is not always a joy. There are definitely trials and tribulations that parents go through with their children, and with life in general.

However, we all have a choice: Will we focus on the difficulties or the delights?

There are always difficulties and there are always delights along the way – we can choose what will occupy our attention.

This women, this mother, has made a choice to focus on the delights, not the difficulties. She had chosen joy over mourning, gratitude over regret, grace over judgment, and forgiveness over resentment and bitterness. What powerful choices she made in the face of very significant difficulties.

Leaders have the same choices to make each and every day.

Leadership is not easy. Leadership is tough and it’s demanding. It can beat you down until everything in you wants to give up and throw in the towel. Leaders can often feel alone, unappreciated and unwilling to keep giving of themselves day after day.

Leaders must make an important ongoing decision: Will you focus on the difficulties or the delights?

Leaders cannot ignore the difficulties, but neither can you become fixated on them. Leaders must demonstrate the courage necessary to work through difficulties, but the fuel that will help you keep moving forward is drinking in the delights along the way. Make sure you choose joy over mourning, gratitude over regret, and forgiveness over resentment and bitterness. That’s how you find joy in the journey.

Focus on what you have accomplished, not just on what is yet to be done. Revel in what is going right, as opposed to regretting what has gone wrong. Recognize the growth of your people instead of fixating on how they fall short. Realize the profound privilege you have as a leader to help shape the lives of the people you lead; to contribute to the betterment of their and their family’s lives.  Take joy in that.

Yes, take joy in the contribution you can make to others through your leadership. And, when you receive a gift of gratitude from someone that you lead may you be able to say with deep conviction,

“It was my joy.”

Leading in joy will increase your influence exponentially and transform your corporate culture completely.