“Hey guys, I am writing something for my sons on manhood: can I ask you a couple of questions?”, I asked the group of 4 twenty-something guys as we sat in the hot tub of a local fitness club.

“Sure man – fire away.”, they replied.

“Ok, what is a man?” I inquired.

“Ahhhh…”, they paused to collect their thoughts and then talked about certain biological equipment men possess.

“Alright, how do you become a man?”, I continued.

They initially said something about sex, but changed that because they realized kids are engaging in that activity. They then talked in unsure terms about being responsible and strong.

“Well, who helps you become a man?”

“Other guys I guess, or a teacher, coach, boss or relative.”, they offered.

I asked it their fathers helped them. An embittered comment was offered…

“Not my dad, he took off!”

I then asked my final question: “How do you know when you are a man?”

After a long silence the leader of the group replied with a resigned tone in his voice:

“You never know! C’mon guys, let’s get a beer.”

They got up and left.

Wow. What a glimpse into modern day manhood.

I had this encounter years ago when I was planning to lead my sons through a one year vision quest to transition them from boyhood into young manhood. There were many components to this grand adventure, but it began with a definition of manhood.

I realized that, for the most part, our culture had lost its definition of manhood. We did not have an intentional process by which boys become young men, and we did not have a ceremony that definitively marked the transition from boyhood to young manhood.

There are many “traps” men can fall into that prohibit them from becoming good men: selfishness, arrogance, cowardice, self-pity, passivity, irresponsibility, a lack of fortitude, a lack of work ethic, a lack of integrity, and a lack of honor – to name just a few.

We wanted to equip and empower our sons to successfully navigate through life’s challenges and become good men. Here is our TRAPSS definition of manhood:

Real men…

T – Take courage and initiative

R – Resist passivity

A – Accept responsibility

P – Press on toward the goal

S – Serve and love others

In light of our faith as a family we added a second “s”

S – Seek and love God

This definition popped into my head recently during a mentoring session with a senior level executive. This particular leader was sharing with me the dysfunction in their executive team. It seemed numerous leaders on the team just did not demonstrate the basic values necessary to work well together.

I began to think through our definition of manhood and realized it is also applicable to the characteristics necessary for good leadership. I offered TRAPS as a definition for leadership within their organization:

Leaders…

Take courage and initiative

Resist passivity

Accept responsibility

Press on toward the goal

Serve and love others

What would your organization’s leadership team look like if each member demonstrated those characteristics?

How can you help the leaders within your organization to avoid many of the traps that render leadership teams ineffective and even dysfunctional?

This is exactly what we did with our sons. We defined manhood. We led them on a one year vision quest to equip and empower them to demonstrate these characteristics. And, we created a ceremony involving a group of men comprised of family friends, relatives, teachers and youth leaders who gathered together to invite each son to join the community of men as a young man.

It was profound, powerful and life changing.

So, what would your organization look like if you defined leadership with something as simple as TRAPS, created a process to help equip and empower your leaders to lead, and then celebrated their demonstration of good leadership?

I believe you would avoid many “traps” that hamstring leaders, and your organization would be powerfully and profoundly transformed.