There is no such thing as a self-made man, or a self-made woman.

Anyone who thinks they’re “self-made” is profoundly arrogant and blind.  We’re all the product of the cumulative input of myriad people throughout our lives.  Some of that input may be profound and memorable, and some may appear insignificant.  All the positive and negative experiences and interactions with every human you have been in contact has had an influence in impacting who you have become.

Did you teach yourself to talk?  Did you teach yourself to walk?  Did you teach yourself to read?  We are all the result of the input of others and of the choices we make.

So, who has influenced you?  Who has helped to make you, you?  Who are some of the numerous people that have impacted who you have become?

Coach Kiloh was one of those myriad influencers in my life.  Bruce Kiloh was my grade 8 wrestling coach.  I was a skinny, insecure 13 year old who joined the wrestling team because a camp counselor said I would be good at it.  Turned out he was wrong.

I was a terrible wrestler, so I did what every self-respecting 13 year old would do – I decided to quit.  I went to Coach Kiloh and told him I was quitting.  I couldn’t take the beating to my self-confidence anymore.

He looked me square in the eye and said, “No you’re not.”

What?  Didn’t you hear me?  He indicated that he had heard me, but then he said this,

“If you stick with this you will become the next North Shore Champion.”

You have got to be kidding.  I am terrible.  I am useless.  However, he persuaded me that he saw something in me that I did not see, and if I stuck with the program and did what he told me to do I would indeed become a champion.

So I did.

And, he was right.  I was 5 time North Shore Champion, twice a Provincial silver medalist, Junior of the Year and Rookie of the year.

This is a phenomenal example of great leadership.  Bruce Kiloh did what every great leader does: he cared, and he helped make me better.  He took me somewhere that I never thought I could get to.

Leadership is helping people be better.  Great leaders care about their people and then they envision, empower and equip them to become more than they thought they could be.

Bruce Kiloh coached me for 1 season – maybe 3-4 months – but the impact his leadership had on me was massive.  His belief in me set me on a course of confidence and success.  He changed my life.  He changed the trajectory of my life.

So, 40 years later I searched him out online and phoned him.  I wanted to tell him about the profound impact he had on me.  I wanted to thank him.  I wanted to encourage him.  I wanted him to know that his simple act of leadership had significant ramifications in me, and through me.  His input has enabled me to provide input into other people’s lives.

We talked for quite a while about those days so many years before.  He remembered scores of things that I had forgotten.  And you know what?  He had no recollection of our pivotal conversation.  He was totally oblivious to the seismic influence he had in my life.

I trust that by the end of our call he knew the difference he had made, and I hope he was encouraged.  I hope that he could somehow savour the flavour of knowing that his efforts were not wasted, that he accomplished far more than teaching a skinny kid a few wrestling moves.  He changed a life.

So, who has influenced you?  Who are those unsung heroes who contributed to making you you?  Who shifted you?  Who positively changed the trajectory of your life?

I would encourage you to thank them.  Let them know the difference they made in your life.  Let them know that their leadership made a difference.  Every leader needs encouragement – even if they don’t see themselves as a leader.

Who helped make you?  Thank them for their influence, because no one is self-made.